Sunday, January 25, 2009
Happy Niu Year!
Happy Chinese New Year To Everyone!To those who are working:
祝你事业顺利，步步高升，口袋满满！
To those who are still studying:
祝你学业进步！
To those who hasnt found someone to spend Valentine Day with:
祝你爱情顺利，有情人终成眷属！
Lastly,
祝大家年年有余， 身体健康，红包多多, 不愁吃，不愁穿！：）
Labels: CNY
^momo^ @ 11:34 PM
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Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Depression
It has been a real depressing week for everyone in the family.
Yesterday, my grandma's condition took a dive for the worse and suffered from brain hemorrhage on her left brain lobe. The right side of the body was swollen and in a way, damaged and immobilized now. Despite her critical condition, she appeared to be more alert and tried to talk to us. She told us that she wants to go to market, she wants her coffee tea break.. and even told us that "my grandpa is coming to take her away"... It was totally heartbreaking. At some point, seeing her laying so frail in bed... was simply unbearable and the best i could do now is to not let her see me upset. I just hid at one corner and sobbed. Perhaps, she could still sense that I was crying (while trying my best to force out a smile) and she too will start tearing.
I just wish to hug her for awhile more, kiss her for awhile more, talk to her for a while more and she stays for awhile more... i feel so ashamed of myself. Why didnt I spend more time with her when she's well and happy?
And today, we had a meeting with the doctor to discuss about my grandma's condition. Even the doctor wasnt optimistic about her condition and told us that my grandma's brain was swelling, although the hemorrhage was contained. It was a horrible feeling that we, as her children and grandchildren, has to bear. We opted against surgery since we dont want her to undergo the painful procedure. It was traumatising for her and for us as well. So we decided to let nature takes its course and our simple wish is to let her go without pain, without sufferings.
It was such a major blow for me... that i didnt know how to take it, how to accept it, how to face it...
Yesterday, my grandma's condition took a dive for the worse and suffered from brain hemorrhage on her left brain lobe. The right side of the body was swollen and in a way, damaged and immobilized now. Despite her critical condition, she appeared to be more alert and tried to talk to us. She told us that she wants to go to market, she wants her coffee tea break.. and even told us that "my grandpa is coming to take her away"... It was totally heartbreaking. At some point, seeing her laying so frail in bed... was simply unbearable and the best i could do now is to not let her see me upset. I just hid at one corner and sobbed. Perhaps, she could still sense that I was crying (while trying my best to force out a smile) and she too will start tearing.
I just wish to hug her for awhile more, kiss her for awhile more, talk to her for a while more and she stays for awhile more... i feel so ashamed of myself. Why didnt I spend more time with her when she's well and happy?
And today, we had a meeting with the doctor to discuss about my grandma's condition. Even the doctor wasnt optimistic about her condition and told us that my grandma's brain was swelling, although the hemorrhage was contained. It was a horrible feeling that we, as her children and grandchildren, has to bear. We opted against surgery since we dont want her to undergo the painful procedure. It was traumatising for her and for us as well. So we decided to let nature takes its course and our simple wish is to let her go without pain, without sufferings.
It was such a major blow for me... that i didnt know how to take it, how to accept it, how to face it...
Labels: Sad
^momo^ @ 10:15 PM
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Sunday, January 11, 2009
Letting Go
Letting go is very painful. I am feeling super awful. Has been crying all night. Guess I have been suppressing my tears too much in front of her. Perhaps, what my dad said was right. Rather than praying that her life will be extended, it will be better for us to pray that she can leave without much suffering and in peace. She's already 93 and it's a matter of time that she would leave us. But upon hearing what my dad said, I cant help feeling terribly upset.
I wasnt a good granddaughter. Not visiting her enough. Not talking to her more often. When i held her hand, I dont know when was the last time i held her hand like this. It was agonising. When i cried, she squeezed my hand as if asking me not to cry. She responded by squeezing your hand to indicate that she is aware of your presence.
So many things I wish she can see before she leave, see me success in life, see me get married, see me with my children...But life isnt for eternity.
I wasnt a good granddaughter. Not visiting her enough. Not talking to her more often. When i held her hand, I dont know when was the last time i held her hand like this. It was agonising. When i cried, she squeezed my hand as if asking me not to cry. She responded by squeezing your hand to indicate that she is aware of your presence.
So many things I wish she can see before she leave, see me success in life, see me get married, see me with my children...But life isnt for eternity.
Labels: Sad
^momo^ @ 12:24 AM
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Thursday, January 8, 2009
Happy yesterday, Sad today
I am uber upset today. To think that it was my birthday yesterday, I ought to be still feeling happy. Received 2 bad news today.
One was I developed cornea ulcer, the onset of cornea infection due to contact lens. And the suay-est thing is i just changed to my new contact lens yesterday! And changed from a lousy brand monthly disposable to a good reputable brand biweekly disposable just recently!!! My left eye has been swollen, red and tearing since yesterday night. How i wish it was as simple as just a sore eye. Bad. I have to apply eye drop every 2 hours, eye gel every 3 hours and ointment overnight. No contacts for 2 weeks and i have to visit my doc every 3 days. Sian. What to do. I have better take good care of my eye for these 2 weeks. I really have to give a serious thought to Lasik surgery.
Second bad new is that my grandma was hospitalised in the ICU for stroke. She was running a fever and yet my uncle did not discover. In the end, she went short of breathe and one of my uncle has to call my brother to call the ambulance. It's like how fucking retarded is that? My uncle told my brother he has to rush to pick up my cousin, a 8 yr old brat from school. Is like... hello?! Firstly, who is more important and which is more urgent? And please, with an old folk at home, dont u know the emergency number to call? Argh. It's super frustrating.
Pray hard that my grandma will survive these tough times. *pray hard*
One was I developed cornea ulcer, the onset of cornea infection due to contact lens. And the suay-est thing is i just changed to my new contact lens yesterday! And changed from a lousy brand monthly disposable to a good reputable brand biweekly disposable just recently!!! My left eye has been swollen, red and tearing since yesterday night. How i wish it was as simple as just a sore eye. Bad. I have to apply eye drop every 2 hours, eye gel every 3 hours and ointment overnight. No contacts for 2 weeks and i have to visit my doc every 3 days. Sian. What to do. I have better take good care of my eye for these 2 weeks. I really have to give a serious thought to Lasik surgery.
Second bad new is that my grandma was hospitalised in the ICU for stroke. She was running a fever and yet my uncle did not discover. In the end, she went short of breathe and one of my uncle has to call my brother to call the ambulance. It's like how fucking retarded is that? My uncle told my brother he has to rush to pick up my cousin, a 8 yr old brat from school. Is like... hello?! Firstly, who is more important and which is more urgent? And please, with an old folk at home, dont u know the emergency number to call? Argh. It's super frustrating.
Pray hard that my grandma will survive these tough times. *pray hard*
Labels: Sad
